'Relationship with everything'

From this week on, I am writing about my relationship with everything, without filter, here. With food, with my body, with my soul, with my friends, my lover, my environment, children and trees… I am here believing in the importance of sharing the changes, disappointments, discoveries and realizations I have experienced after a relatively short but long journey of life, and of being together with those who have passed through similar experiences. So how did my story that led me to write these lines begin? With pain and awareness….


In fact, I took this road with a hard kick from life. I definitely didn't start with my own decision, you see. Exactly two years ago, while I was having fun at tables full of laughter, food and drink in Mykonos, I learned that my father, whom I loved dearly in Istanbul, had a tumor the size of an orange in his kidney. After that day, our only topic was my father's illness and which method we should proceed with. The question of whether we should proceed with modern medicine or with alternative medicine was the most crucial question that gnawed at us. My older brother, who was living in Thailand at the time, offered us alternative medicine and nutritional treatments. Unfortunately, my father died 10 months after stage 4 cancer, but my interest in the relationship between nutrition and cancer continued to increase after that day. I decided to learn this business and first I took an evidence-based nutrition course and then I was enrolled in an integrated (holistic) health and nutrition coaching training program that allows us not to look at health in one dimension.

My aim was just to find an answer to the question in my mind, 'I wonder if my father could beat cancer with nutrition'. Let alone accepting my father's death, I couldn't help wondering if we could change other people's lives through alternative methods. While I was searching for answers to thousands of questions about cancer, I realized that my eating disorder, which I thought was cured by getting rid of my anorexia symptoms by gaining weight at the end of high school during my education, turned into disordered eating thanks to the diet culture.

With this awareness, I decided to imitate my husband, Cem, who I believe has the healthiest relationship with food I've ever met in my life. For a long time, I watched my husband Cem's relationship with food and just imitated it. Thus, I was introduced to intuitive eating without naming it.

By the way, of course, this process was not as easy as I described, on the one hand I was mourning the death of my father, on the other hand, I was trying to fight my broken eating relationship and my extreme paralyzing anxiety. I can say that I had a troubled period, which I called the cocktail of nervous breakdown/depression/anxiety disorder, which Cem called my 'Spiritual Awakening' period (we saw it from Brene Brown).

Spiritual people, from their spiritual awakening; While people were describing it as “I got out of bed one day and I was like this”, the spiritual awakening of me and everyone I knew was going through 365 days of not getting out of bed and crying all day. I was in real physical pain, and above all, I felt it.

After this long and painful period, the intuitive way of eating changed my life. I was finally starting to mend my toxic relationship with my body and food, which had been living rent-free for years. This is exactly why I can say that I am here now. I hope that this painful transition, my experiences, the new things I learn every day, and my intuitive nutritional journey inspire others.

Nothing is permanent in life… Yes, I have gained a new awareness, yes I have corrected my spoiled eating, but there are still days when I have difficulties. I am a human being, and as a human being, I do not expect anyone to be in a perfect mood every day with a perfect mental and mental health, nor do I expect this from myself. So don't expect them from me or yourself. I'll let you down if you wait, let me tell you in advance ;)

That's all from me for today.


Magnolia Ruso

Manolya Ruso

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